Johns Hopkins Kimmel Cancer Center took amazing care of me and generally rocked, but even four-star hotels have two-star moments. Here’s a list of the good, bad, and the ouchy:

Bests

Lisa – My rock.

Part of stay – The room. I had my own room! Good size, quiet. Comfy foldout couch that Lisa crashed on for the first two nights. Free wifi!

Medical device nickname – The hand-grenade. The plastic suction device attached to tubes used drain excess fluid. Guess what it looks like?

Nurse – The one taught me how to turn off the IV machine thingy when it got pissy (see below).

Visitor – All of them. Becky, Jules, Leslie, My Mom, Krista, Penny, Jane. You all rock! Even when you made me laugh and it hurt.

Day – Saturday. The turning point. Most of the tubes went away.

Food – Whipped potatoes.

Pain controller – The epidural. The friendly beeping like a slot machine after hitting the button, the cold feeling when it dripped its numbing goodness… Awesome!

Worsts

Room “perk” – TV. Basic cable, $10 a day, bad reception on the few OK channels, no channel guide info, remote control circa 1967 Eastern Bloc.

Room feature – Clock. Sounded like a someone smacking their gum with every tick. Lisa dispatched it.

Medical device – IV machine thingy. Touchy, prone to loud beeping in the middle of night for no reason. Nurses hated it, Lisa and I hated it. If it had a mother, its mom would hate it.

Medical routine – 3am blood tests.

Nurse – Me: (being wheeled to my room from recovery) “When is the tube coming out of my nose?” Nurse: “Someday.” Thanks.

Food – Jello.